Two weeks down...

Well I've made it through two weeks that have been an emotional and stress-filled insomniac-tic roller coaster. I've gone to bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm only to get up between 4 am and 5:30pm. Usually the later I go to bed the later I get up so it's not like I've had any nights of more than 6 hours of sleep. I've tried but inevitably get distracted or drawn to one thing or another.

Overall, I think I'm doing okay. I'm getting used to my kids. Toward the end of this week I think that the lack of sleep was getting to me and my heart became a bit harder. I need to be more centered in God within myself and more rested. Today I was talking so much - either from yelling/talking loudly (over students or at recess), reading aloud stories, or teaching, that I actually felt the effect on my voice. That doesn't happen very much for me.

I truly do like my students. And I think that I have the potential to make a great impact on them, but I feel like I need to get a few more things straightened out first. One, my transitions are awful. I have been losing a lot of time to them. Two, I really need to learn to keep my cool. It hasn't always been happening. And it really drains me when I let them get to me. Three, I need to get my lesson plans and materials more organized. I tried to do some organizing today, but I find that I'm so all over the place that I am wasting time there as well. There is so much that I'm not doing. I guess I just need to write better to do lists and get to the copier sooner. I was told by one of my room mothers that I can always have the parents set up to do the copies for the class and that will be good if I can do that. I also don't really follow how they have the first 9 weeks set up. I didn't have a part in it so I'm constantly playing catch up and trying to use their lesson plans. It's good that they we're already moving through stuff but when my brain and body are as exhausted as they are right now I just can't process it all and get frustrated.

I think I still have a lot of growth to do for teaching. I need to grow as a person in responding to bad choices that students make. Sometimes I'm okay, but when I'm not detached from their action I don't think my tone of voice and facial expression are quite what I want them to be. I also need to get better in time management and organization (never has been a strength of mine - I'm organizationally challenged like my dad said he was).

One step at a time. I just hope that what I'm doing with the kids is enough for the principal or asst. principal when they start to do walk-throughs next week. They will visit each classroom at least once a month and I'm pretty nervous to be honest. I just hope I'm having a good day when they come.

Any prayers, God-words, and/or encouragement would be most appreciated. Thx.