So I'm moving tomorrow, or the next day Lord willing. I've got most of my house packed up. I've thrown out or decided to donate a good amount of stuff. And I feel like it's times like these - times of change and newness - that I become more aware.
Aware of what you might ask? Well, good question.
For one, I become more aware of how much stuff I have and how I truly do live in plenty - even though I live with less than many around me, I have more and can do more than many others.
I become more aware of my own weaknesses and therefore grow in further understanding of myself. For example, I learned that it's possible that I am only a "Type A" task oriented person as a coping method, or at least in part. Because in my mind I can become so distracted and in attentive, the word unfocused comes to mind, I get exceedingly overwhelmed to a breaking point and Lord watch out for whoever is around when I slam head first into that point. I come apart at the seams. Sometimes I collapse into a ball of tears and snot (e.g. my internship); sometimes I literally walk in circles very close to the point of tears and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and hide because I can't get through one complete thought without interrupting myself IN MY OWN HEAD (e.g. yesterday packing by myself amidst chaos and clutter). I become illogical and very much of a mess. So because over the years, I have learned that this mess I become is not productive, not usually accepted except by few who love me a lot, and not really enjoyable, I have learned to organize my head in a linear or web-like fashion as the situation warrants. This makes my thoughts sometimes hard to follow for others, but at least I can usually follow it. Prior to recently, I would not have realized that this was due to my "ADD" tendencies, but now I think perhaps they are related. Eventually, I trust that if this is not just a personality trait, but rather a mental in-balance, that God will free me from it.
Anyway, awareness... right.
One of the other things that I think God wants us all to become aware of is that we do sin. And I believe that he wants us to be aware of this for our own good.
I know, this might seem like one of those comments where I deserve a response that's something like, "Duh, Lauren. Hello, that is connected to that whole Jesus died for us thing..."
But really follow me through with this.
Matt 5:4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
As I said a few posts ago, I was really enlightened by my bible's footnotes for this section in Matthew. For this verse it says this, "'Those who mourn' are those who sorrow for their sins and the sins of others."
Those who mourn has NOTHING to do with people who are sad because someone has passed away. Those who mourn has NOTHING to do with people who had a tragic event happen in their life and they are upset because of it. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
I don't know about you, but that's what I thought that verse had always referred to. I thought it meant that when you were upset by a life's circumstance's tragedy, you were being assured that someone else would always be there to comfort you for your loss either a person or God.
But what it is really saying is that the people that are aware of their sin and the sin of others and are sorrowed, or pained because of what it does to us, and our relationship with God. I mean really that's the biggest problem with sin isn't it? When you sin, it will hurt those around you and it will hurt God, separating you from God or probably both. That's why God sent Jesus Christ to atone for our sins as an ultimate sacrifice so we might be seen as righteous before God so we could still have a relationship with him.
Now here is where the blessing comes in... When we mourn our sinfulness, we are aware of our need for Jesus and his redemptive work in us which makes us, by his blood, acceptable to God. We are then in a position to accept God's grace which he offers freely. We are also able to realize, through that deep mourning process for our sins, that we can't do anything to pay him back and we can receive it as the free gift it is. We are also able, therefore, to walk in close relationship with Him. And if we walk in close relationship with him, we will be able to find comfort in the Holy Spirit. The word for comfort is very closely related to the word for Holy Spirit-who Jesus said would be our comforter, our counselor, our advocate. If we mourn our sins, we will be comforted and forgiven and this becomes possible because Jesus makes us clean so God can walk close enough to us to give us comfort and forgiveness. This perhaps was part of Jesus's way of sharing with his disciples what we will be blessed with after he died for us and rose again within the new covenant. I also am wondering if this is a big part of the Good News that Jesus had been sharing as he walked around the countryside.
Matt 5:3 those who are helpless and can't do for themselves will be given the gift of the kingdom of God.
Matt 5:4 those who mourn their sinfulness (and could be the same helpless people from vs. 3) will be comforted by the Holy Spirit because Jesus died on the cross.
And now, I am aware of what time it is and that I need to get back to packing. God bless.
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