It's funny how time changes. Things are always different. They never stay the same. ... And I think that is a good thing. It certainly makes life more interesting.
I know that I have grown much since moving down here. Maybe not in all the ways that I would like to have grown, but growth has occurred. I feel like I have been growing more as a person rather than spiritually. Sometimes those two things grow in concert and other times I think God encourages them to grow separately so growth in one area can sustain the growth that needs to occur in the other.
My last year/months in Kalamazoo, I felt like I was growing spiritually. I was on fire and hungered much for the word and discussion of the spiritual/Godly/holy with other saints. I think that growth sustains me now. I don't feel as active and hungry in my quest for truth and life. Sometimes I just feel so busy with other things, which in all honest God has directed my attention to, that I don't pour as much as I should in to that which is of the greatest value. But I know that when I am weak I do reach out to Him and He is there. When I need him, I call out. When I need a reminder, He is timely in the providing of that reminder and redirectioning.
I feel like now he is calling me to a greater maturity than I previously had so that I might be "even" in all areas of life. What good is it for one to understand all these great spiritual truths if they don't know how to show love, patience, kindness, etc. to those God has place in their lives. I know that God has given me prior wisdom and discernment so that I might see and grow more in love with him, but he does not want my mind to be full of knowledge while my heart withers away because I become wrapped up in things that I cannot ever truly grasp, because I chase after knowledge for knowledge's sake. I would guess that when that happens you lose sight of the cross, the gift of grace, the Good News, and become nothing more than a preening, pretending-to-be-holy, philosopher who throws away gold in search of that which can't be held.
I'm just rambling now. : ) In rambling, though, there can be answers and clarity of vision...for example...
A wise woman spoke with me recently about how satan tries to deceive the saints into believing that they still are weighed down by the things of the flesh rather than living by the spirit. I use to always think (unconsciously perhaps), that when you are truly living by the spirit you don't do anything that is wrong. Ergo when I did things I shouldn't, I thought that I had fallen away from the spirit and toward the flesh. I imagined that my soul was a great battlefield and each choice I made turned the tide of the battle in favor of the flesh or the spirit. I guess I missed the fact that the battle was done and over with when I made my choice to believe in the one sent to redeem me from my sins. This is why the angels rejoice when that choice is made, not with every single little itty-bitty choice to be made afterward. Those little choices are not the same as that single choice of death or a life washed in blood.
Now that doesn't mean that God doesn't care what we do afterward. I think He would like to have us live as much as possible a life like Jesus the Christ's. But I think in His wisdom that he prepared for the contingency that most of us would not and His preparations ensure that as long as we believe (truly believe and not just put on a show) we will be seen as purified by the blood of the lamb.
So rather than a battlefield, our life is more like a path that we can follow or choose to reject. And instead of the flesh or the powers of darkness fighting for the win, they are fighting to turn us from our victory. We did win when we chose to step on the the hard road and to walk toward the narrow door, but the prowling lion seeks to steal that victory by blinding us and causing us to stumble and fall. Those stumblings are part of walking in a sinful world ruled by the prince of this world. Those stumblings are the little choices that we make and sometimes we step in faith with a surety of truth and we are straight upon the path. When we step off we can always be directed by our spirit, The Spirit, back onto it. It becomes a different battle field, a battle field with direct. Prior to our salvation, all satan had to do was to keep us from moving toward that narrow door, even if that meant we were standing still. AFTER salvation, satan then seeks to detour us from our goal, our prize, our finish line, by stopping us, by angling us off the path toward a goal the appears similar, or just plain turning us around. God, though, seeks to continue to call us forward toward him, through the trails that bar our way. The path cannot be an easy path because the path is worth fighting to follow and I don't think our loving God would want any of us to chose Him and follow Him because it was easy. I think he wants us to follow Him because He is worth it. And the only way He can distinguish those for us who are so feeble minded is to make the path hard, but a path worth traveling.
Sigh. Rambling thoughts are good. Good for me at least. They help me to decide what makes the most sense to me for that which I believe unconsciously comes out first with little effort. It's the things that I don't completely believe that are more easily said or written when I am not rambling. Don't know if that makes sense, but I'm rambling and therefore it doesn't need to make sense to anyone but me. Right? : ) Right.
Well, I'm hungry. I'm off to make food. Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!
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