Abraham and his only son

This morning I was listening to my audio bible application on my phone as I drove to work. Since I finished the new testament a week and a half ago, I've moved to a bible in a year program that goes through the bible chronologically. So far I haven't made it out of Genesis.

Anyway, today I was listening to the second half of Abraham's story. I picked up just before Sarah had Isaac. The part that struck me is the same section that always catches my attention - the part where God asks Abraham to sacrifice his only son - the son that God promised him and gave him against incredible odds - on an alter. He asked Abraham to basically murder his own son for no reason.
I wish that Moses had been given the insight to record Abraham's thoughts at this point because I would have loved to know the struggle and thought process that he went through when he heard that. Did he wonder if he was crazy? How did he balance the desire to do as God asks (including the fear of what would happen if he didn't do what was asked) with the fact that the rest of his being rejected the whole concept. From the display of faith that Abraham showed, I cannot believe that he didn't know that it was wrong on several levels to kill his son.  But there he was planning to do just that. I wonder how many times he questioned whether or not God actually said that. I wonder if he just agreed to do it because he hoped that God would change his mind. Imagine how feverishly he would have been praying as he climbed the mountain, built the alter (probably building it slower than he ever had in his entire life), tied his son, tears probably streaming down his face, then to reach for the knife. Perhaps he was saying over and over again, "God don't make me do this. You promised I would have a son. You promised this son. Please don't take him away. Don't make me do this."

Every time I read this story, I always then turn to think about what in the world was going on in God's mind. What was he thinking?
This morning I listened more closely to what the angel said and I realized that the only reason that God spared his son was because he was willing to offer it. Somewhere along the line, Abraham decided that God was the center of his universe and everything must be less important - even the things he had desired for so long and were blessing straight from God. But because Abraham showed with his actions where his priorities lay (with God's will not his own desires), God then spared him the very thing he had asked him in the first place.

How many times does God ask us to do something to test our loyalties. I'm sure all too often we fail to put him as a priority and therefore we fail to grasp the promise land that lay beyond that test. Perhaps we convince ourselves that the choice isn't beneficial so God couldn't have meant it or that we didn't even hear God's voice in the first place. Either way, why would God want to give more to a person who couldn't even trust God with what had already been given. I'm thinking of the parable of the talents. Abraham proved that it was most important to follow God's will and THAT is what was credited to him as righteousness.

As I am faced with teaching in school another year and a great part of me desires something else - almost anything else - but as far as I can see (which isn't far mind you), this is where God wants me for now... as I struggle with this and for over a year was trying to figure out what else God had for me, perhaps I was just fighting with God. Perhaps this is my Iaasc that God just wants to see how far I am willing to go for His will so that he might bless me more. How loyal am I to God when he asks me to do things I don't really want to do. Will I do what is asked of me? Even more so, will I do what is asked of me with a heart that loves God or with a heart that sulks and becomes angry, throwing a temper tantrum because I didn't get what I thought was best?

Father, give me a faith that is like Abraham's. May I hear your voice as clearly and walk in faith that I heard your will. Give me strength to do the things I don't want to do because you have asked me to. May I do them with a joyful heart, not one that is hoping you change your mind (for what would I then do if you didn't) nor a heart that rebels inwardly against you. May I have trust like Abraham that you will keep your promises through all that I go through and all that you ask of me, even if I can't see how that is possible. May I rest in faith that you will provide the sacrifice so that I might praise your name.
Amen.